Well, I hit new levels today. I totally freaked out in the lane pool at the Aquatic Centre during a 1km time trial and had to get out of the pool mid trial.....
The history behind this wee story goes a little bit like this:
My first experience of freaking out in water from memory is actually from when I was really really young and water skiing. When water skiing in Lake Taupo, my dad actually had to take me out into the middle of the lake so that I could deep water start as I had a total fear of skiing over water where I could see the bottom of the lake... Strange... Yes... I progress.....
About 2 years ago I did my first Contact Triathlon at the Blue lake here in Rotorua. I hadn't actually practiced training in the lake before I set off this day, but thought I had done enough lane pool swimming to get through the 300 mtrs I had to achieve for the 3:9:3 (300m swim, 9 k bike, 3k run).. I had a wet suit that was a little too small/tight and felt a little breathless before I even got in the water. I started swimming and got probably 10 strokes in and started puffing, panting, heavy breathing and then wound myself up enough and started freaking out. I looked around and I wasn't the only one in this predicament - so decided to suck it up, doggy paddle for a bit and I eventually made it into shore. Then, I thought that was the worst water experience in my life. I was wrong....
In January of this year I attempted to complete my first Aquathon for the year through the RATS club here in Rotorua. The whole swim was 750m and I got out to the turnaround buoy ok. Then I turned around and looked back in at how far I had to get back and I quite simply "freaked out". Not one of your average "oh dear, I think I'm in trouble and flip to lie on my back and kick myself to shore" kind of freak out, but one where I was actually in fear for my life. I tried flipping onto my back and kicking, but this almost freaked me out even more. All I wanted to do was to pull my wet suit off from around my neck, as I felt like I was slowly choking. So I tried to swim again, but each time I put my face into the water, or looked at the shore - I just panicked. I couldn't breathe properly, just rapid and shallow panic breaths. Fortunately for me, a lovely man called Jason was actually watching this all unfold from a few meters in front. He was swimming alongside his wife in the aquathon and had turned to see me flapping about. He called out "Are you ok?" I resisted my stubbornness and called back "NO, I'm freaking out". He swam straight over and talked to me calmly, which helped a tiny bit. He tried to talk me out of still attempting to get my wet suit off, tried to get me to lie on my back and kick, and when all this failed, he put his arm around me and dragged me in as fast as he could to shore... I cannot tell you how relieved I was when he looked over at me and told me to pop my feet down.. I was sooooooo grateful for his support and for my life!
I managed to overcome this after a couple of months of just continuing to go back and swimming out as far as I felt comfortable and heading back in again. Each week I just extended the distance I went out by another buoy and by the end of the aquathon season, was fine!
So anyway, today's pool incident was just a rather strange set of events.. I had very limited sleep last night and turned up to swim squad feeling a bit below average anyway. I was just expecting to plod along doing our swim drills and then get out at 7 as usual to head home. I knew that was achievable. My coach then suggested that I do my 1km time trial that I missed a few weeks back. In the back of my mind I knew it wasn't ideal as I was really struggling with the warm up, let alone swimming 1km non-stop and I hadn't emotionally prepared myself. BUT in true Steff fashion, agreed to do it as thought I could just plod away on my own. Easy. I do more than 20 lengths every Monday night so didn't think too much more. Headed over to my lane, only to be joined by a rather speedy bloke who was doing his time trial too. This is where it gets interesting! We swam side by side and set off at a pace that was nice and relaxed and easy for me to keep up with. Was feeling good and strong and started settling into my groove. Lap 8 came and went, only 11 more to go. Speedy bloke was still beside me (surprisingly) and then I started thinking to myself, hey - I could just about keep up with him for the whole 1km..... UH OH... dum dum dum.... That little bit of pressure I put on myself made me obviously get a little rush of adrenalin and I started puffing, panting, heavy breathing and then winding myself up. I tried to relax and breathe alternative sides for another 50mtrs to get myself to the end but that wash of panic waved over and then i just had to get out... I couldn't seem to catch my breath and had a wee panic attack at the end of the pool. I jumped out, walked back to the end of the pool where the coach was and by then was back to semi-rational thinking. She suggested I just join the rest of the squad. HUH - NO WAY! Stubborn Steff returned and I jumped back into the pool and finished off my 11 laps to end my time trial!! 22mins 50secs too - not too bad with around 3mins of panic in amongst it.
I initially thought it was just all really weird, but I spent the rest of swim squad going over and over it all in my head and came up with a fairly rational explanation. I believe it was linked to this anxiety I seem to develop in some water related situations. I am a little anxious at the best of times anyway, so the added pressure of adrenalin, mixed with tiredness, competitiveness, fear etc, all may be factors that triggered me to freak out. Am sure this will be explored more over the next few years with different events, challenges etc, but I am really pleased has happening now. I have plenty of time to work through it and come up with strategies to help myself push through it, should it happen again.
